Dealing With a Reluctant Partner

Resilient Life Public Resilient Life
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 The children I have left at home are 13,14,16 ,&19   .    We do not sugar coat anything .  I tell them they are learning to garden and raise animals because it is cheaper and they will need to know it well enough to teach it to their children .
 We study history and the other countries collapsing .  We  teach fishing , hunting,  survival skills and can shoot  better than I .They know how make soap , can and dehydrate food  , make  butter ,yogurt  & cheese . To make herbal medicine and Identify the plants . They know how to shear the sheep , wash the wool, card it spin ,  felt ,and crochet it .  They know how to care for the animals and to butcher them .  They care for the bee hive and harvest the honey  . They cut the wood , take care of the stove, and run the generator .  They know how to ride their horses like the wind .   Hey they even cut each others hair ! They know that they will not be going to college .  My library is full and for now the Internet is available .

 They Know they may well have to depend on each other .   If I do not have patience they have grandparents  down the road that help teach some things . They have helped teach their nephews to bake pumpkin seeds and make baby food for the little sister .

   They have no fear or anxiety … they are  young .  They have very few needs .  If you do not have much  you can not loose much .  They know how to get to town on Sat. night and have a good time with their friends .

 Honestly  Kids just want  to spend time with you . They will learn from doing . The younger you start the better.

 What I need to do is write a diary /calender   so if something happens to me they will carry on . They are kids … you have to tell them to get their nose out of the book, get off FB , and get busy .

 My  husbands fear is not having his retirement and possibly having to work until he dies .  He fears having more freedoms taken away . Having no TV  would be his biggest challenge … I kid you not .  He has his routine and does not like it changed BUT  he would absolutely do anything to protect and care for   his family .   And so I know my children will do the same for theirs .

    Fellows  most  wives just want their little world to be safe , they need  to know they can depend on you to be there for the family…  no matter what .  Just do your preparations and have patience , they will  get on board the lifeboat  before the ship sinks .    They will not abandon you , but if  they do … sad to say  you will be better off without the burden . You can say  “Honey , If  something were to happen while I was away or at work  would you know how to hook up the generator ?‘’ or "  Do you have any extra water or food stored incase the  Storm comes through here ?”   or " I was thinking about starting a little square foot garden  what do you think would be the best place  to put it ?"  Start small it will get the wheels turning .  

 Ladies  leave the survival issues of Popular Mechanic’s   or Mother Earth News laying in the bathroom .   Start a project that you can not finish on your own and they will come to your rescue to fix the mess . When they ask "What in the H*** you are trying to do then  you can give them little hints at a time . Make homemade bread and reel them in  LOL . Tell them how much cheaper it is and that you may need to know how to do it more often if the  price of groceries keep jumping up .

 FM

 PS.    There is no way you will get them to give up the Harley until it is their idea.

 

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[quote=Full Moon] They know that they will not be going to college . 
[/quote]
FM,
Just curious.  Why not?

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Thanks Becca.I am leaving my wife in her bubble (together with the granite countertops, which seem to be an important part of the bubble) but I have actually found it much easier to talk to the kids about peak oil related issues because they don’t have any preconceived ideas.  They are age 3 to 9, and obviously the 3 year old doesn’t have much of a clue yet, but I try to plant some fun post peak ideas in the minds of the older kids, like “when you get older, wouldn’t it be fun to learn to ride a horse as well as drive a car?” and “what other ways can you think of to heat our house in winter if the propane runs out, wouldn’t it be fun to have a wood stove?”  I told them a story about pirate treasure and how pirates could tell real silver coins from nickel coins (you take a 1oz silver round, balance it on the tip of your finger and tap it with another one and it rings - cool party trick).  I have shown them a couple of peak oil related cartoons (try “How will you ride the slide?” from YouTube).  We started vegetable gardening this year, which the kids loved but my wife didn’t (it’s messy and dirty, it makes the yard look untidy, we don’t have time for it, it doesn’t produce much, it’s cheaper to buy stuff at the store, yada yada).  So we grew some pumpkins for Halloween and they didn’t realise I was actually teaching them about urban farming.  So I’m doing my best to give them a few useful survival skills which they might appreciate later on. 
FM and AO - I’m preparing my kids both for maybe going to college, and maybe not going to college, as I’ve no idea how fast or slow the collapse may be and what options may or may not be available 10-20 years from now.

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Becca,
I really appreciate the great article. I guess that since my wife jumped onboard immediately when I showed her the Crash Course, I took it (her) for granted. Now, after reading your article and the posts from those here whose partners either think it is crazy conspiracy theory talk, or they just aren’t ready to think about a different future at all, I feel blessed. If there is anything I don’t need right now is my partner acting like, “Don’t worry, everything is better now, the guy on the TV said so,” and my heart goes out to anyone in that situation. I think hanging in there and being patient with a doubting spouse, while doing your best to prepare, is sound advice.

peter31, Fortunately you are a physician. You can legally prescribe the “red pill”. (sorry couldn’t resist).

SS

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 1 .We do not have the cash  and will not go into debt . 2.  Colleges are overpriced .   
3.  I will not pay for humanistic  teaching .   They will do apprenticeships as their brothers and sisters have .    
4.  IF  ( big IF )  we had our prepping done and had  cash to pay for College  then and only then would we consider a faith based college for the ones who might be called to a field that requires it .          
    Personal choices we have made …  Not sending them just for an Mrs. ( to  find a spouse ) .   
 FM

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[quote=ericsprojects]The only thing that you will not run out of is skill or ability.  It’s the only thing you can count on.  It doesn’t break and it doesn’t have to be rebooted.  It’s just always there. 
For me, it’s not what do I need or what should I do, but what don’t I need, what can I do without.  Maybe your husband’s thinking is a little like this.
[/quote]
Eric, I appreciate your insights here – and I can’t resist saying hello and welcome!  It’s wonderful to “see” you here.  Worlds collide!  If you don’t remember me, your dear wife will.  Best wishes to all of you.

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[quote=Full Moon] Ladies  leave the survival issues of Popular Mechanic’s   or Mother Earth News laying in the bathroom .   Start a project that you can not finish on your own and they will come to your rescue to fix the mess .
[/quote]
Wow, FM, you are crafty! 

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[quote=Full Moon] Fellows  most  wives just want their little world to be safe , they need  to know they can depend on you to be there for the family…  no matter what .  Just do your preparations and have patience , they will  get on board the lifeboat  before the ship sinks .    They will not abandon you , but if  they do … sad to say  you will be better off without the burden . You can say  “Honey , If  something were to happen while I was away or at work  would you know how to hook up the generator ?‘’ or "  Do you have any extra water or food stored incase the  Storm comes through here ?”   or " I was thinking about starting a little square foot garden  what do you think would be the best place  to put it ?"  Start small it will get the wheels turning
[/quote]
For this and for everything else you’ve written, thank you.
Poet

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[quote=Woodman]With kids, I generally find the right time to educate them is to give accurate information when they ask, up to the amount that satisfies their current level of interest. 
[/quote]
And they’ll let you know if you’re overdoing it.  My daughter gave me a good laugh the other night… As I was tucking her in, she interrupted me mid-sentence (I honestly don’t even remember what I was talking about).  “Dad, we don’t have time for this if you’re going to talk about the end of the world.”  Just the little tweak I needed !

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 I  agree . All children love to learn .   Trapping them inside and making them sit for  Looooooong periods of time  kills the desire .  They love to create and learn life skills .      However  they are not all in tune with everything . Example  I can say “hey look  no Red in the sky tonight !”   And they will not automatically  register that they need to get ready for rain or snow.  I can say " did you see the  Sun Dog ?’  and  only then will it click that they need to get things ready for a storm .  But they do not  look for the signs  they are sometimes in their own  world .    You  teach them  by the way you live. .    You say Hmm  I wonder what might happen if we tried  this  or that ? What do you think ? Also   do not assume your spouse Knows these things either … They may not have had parents that took time to teach them. They may not  even know their directions .
    Mostly  I say  Learn what you can  and  change your self  first .  Practice what you preach, others will see the difference  …you will attract not repel.
 FM

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[quote=Full Moon] 1 .We do not have the cash  and will not go into debt . 
2.  Colleges are overpriced .   
3.  I will not pay for humanistic  teaching .   They will do apprenticeships as their brothers and sisters have .    
4.  IF  ( big IF )  we had our prepping done and had  cash to pay for College  then and only then would we consider a faith based college for the ones who might be called to a field that requires it .          
    Personal choices we have made …  Not sending them just for an Mrs. ( to  find a spouse ) .   
 FM
[/quote]
I agree with much of what you say.  But for those with a genuine need and especially for those with the ability who are high academic achievers and have demonstrated citizenship and leadership in their lives, there are scholarships that will pay for almost everything.  And if you’ve educated them well, they will see through the weakness of certain humanistic teachings if they decide to one of those schools.  Also, a practical education doesn’t have to preclude an academic education.  They can have both.
A future without a college education, in most instances, puts people at a distinct disadvantage in most fields.  For example, we have a friend who is very intelligent but never finished her college degree.  She works in a large library but her advancement has been halted because she doesn’t have a degree.  She’s smarter than most of the people above her but she’s not going anywhere without that degree, unfortunately.
“The future belonds to those who prepare for it today”  Malcolm X        

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[quote=ao]A future without a college education, in most instances, puts people at a distinct disadvantage in most fields.  For example, we have a friend who is very intelligent but never finished her college degree.  She works in a large library but her advancement has been halted because she doesn’t have a degree.  She’s smarter than most of the people above her but she’s not going anywhere without that degree, unfortunately.
“The future belonds to those who prepare for it today”  Malcolm X        
[/quote]
Since most libraries are not “for profit”, they do not have an incentive to promote on performance. Of course what one person considers “advancement” another could see as a trap that would pull their attention away from family and other interests. In many if not most fields, a degree might get you through the door, but performance is what counts. I think “high academic achievers” will gravitate towards college and careers that reward that, but I also believe that college education has been pushed on our society far too much. Starbucks is full of university graduates that may have been better off learning a trade. I’m not dissing working at Starbucks, but I doubt this is what these people went to college for.
SS

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 AO ,     Thanks ,  Yes they could get scholarships.   They move out on their own  to qualify for grants  But   my children who have degrees  make less than the ones  who have apprenticeships .   I am not telling other people to  not  send their kids to college .    I am  saying do not depend on it .   You  have to pay attention to which way your child  leans .    some interesting findings off of Survivalblog
#1 Americans now owe more than $875 billion on student loans, which is more than the total amount that Americans owe on their credit cards.
#2 Since 1982, the cost of medical care in the United States has gone up over 200%, which is horrific, but that is nothing compared to the cost of college tuition which has gone up by more than 400%.
#3 The typical U.S. college student spends less than 30 hours a week on academics.
#4 The unemployment rate for college graduates under the age of 25 is over 9 percent.
#5 There are about two million recent college graduates that are currently unemployed.
#6 Approximately two-thirds of all college students graduate with student loans.
#7 In the United States today, 317,000 waiters and waitresses have college degrees.
#8 The Project on Student Debt estimates that 206,000 Americans graduated from college with more than $40,000 in student loan debt during 2008.
#9 In the United States today, 24.5 percent of all retail salespersons have a college degree.
#10 Total student loan debt in the United States is now increasing at a rate of approximately $2,853.88 per second.
#11 There are 365,000 cashiers in the United States today that have college degrees.
#12 Starting salaries for college graduates across the United States are down in 2010.
#13 In 1992, there were 5.1 million “underemployed” college graduates in the United States.  In 2008, there were 17 million “underemployed” college graduates in the United States.
#14 In the United States today, over 18,000 parking lot attendants have college degrees.
#15 Federal statistics reveal that only 36 percent of the full-time students who began college in 2001 received a bachelor’s degree within four years.
#16 According to a recent survey by Twentysomething Inc., a staggering 85 percent of college seniors planned to move back home after graduation last May.
  
 I went to college  … partied my whole way through. So did my girl friends .   some are  teachers, one a bank teller .  All  making less money than my adult children after 30 years on the Job …  And how safe are these jobs ?  I will not pay for my kids to go to college  for a piece of paper and a hangover .  My Daughter that has a nursing "Paper "  now works as a Nanny making a LOT more money and loving every minute of it ,
 Again  I am NOT telling you to keep YOUR children out of college .  I am saying you do not have to have college degree to learn what interests you or so called  secure employment .  Go with what your gifts are . Think outside the box .
  FM

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 Ps.
  My husband thinks people change their careers  on  average of 4 times any way  and that no one knows what they want to be when they grow up until they are 40 anyway .  LOL      

   We are just odd ducks .    

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Becca, thank you for this wonderful article – I read the post you put on a previous forum thread dealing with this very topic, and it certainly deserved a wider readership than that thread alone received.
Kathy McMahon (Peak Shrink from Peak Oil Blues) recently discussed the different ways that men and women deal with reluctant partners after they take the red pill, and I think that much of her analysis fits what has been written here.  I know that when I first learned about Peak Oil and the numerous looming environmental dilemmas we face (climate change, mass extinction, habitat loss, etc.), my reaction was to first educate myself as much as possible before unleashing everything that I had learned on my wife.  In other words, the typical male approach to these kinds of problems.  Needless to say, my wife was far from receptive to my efforts, and it took a good 5+ years to finally get her come around to any meaningful degree – and the biggest source of help in that regard was Chris’s article on the WHYs of making your life more resilient.  I’ll never forget that same day this past summer when my wife asked me if I wanted her to process some fresh tomatoes out of the garden, and I asked her if she managed to read Chris’s article yet.  She looked at me, smiled, and said, “I did ask you if you wanted me to process those tomatoes, didn’t I?”

According to Kathy McMahon, again, women tend to be much more subtle and group-minded, as opposed to data-driven, in their approach, often choosing to surround themselves (and, by default, their partners) with other like-minded people.  When the reluctant partner often finds himself surrounded by a group of people who commonly and openly discuss these “resiliency issues,” over time they cannot help but be drawn in to a certain degree.

Anyway, that’s just my $0.02, for what it’s worth.  Thanks again to everyone for their contributions, and Becca for sharing this piece.

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[quote=Amanda]Eric, I appreciate your insights here – and I can’t resist saying hello and welcome!  It’s wonderful to “see” you here.  Worlds collide!  If you don’t remember me, your dear wife will.  Best wishes to all of you.
[/quote]
Amanda:  Yes, I do remember meeting you and your lovely family. 
I would have to say, it’s not so strange to see a like minded person in the same place, after all, I believe my wife found out about this website through you.  I’m pretty sure the conversation went something like “Remember Amanda?  She says you have to read this…”
I am glad to see you doing well.
-Eric

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[quote=Musings_from_the_Fringe]Becca, thank you for this wonderful article – I read the post you put on a previous forum thread dealing with this very topic, and it certainly deserved a wider readership than that thread alone received.[/quote]Here’s Becca’s earlier post, for anyone who is interested.

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Becca
Many thanks for your insight, you clearly have a very strong relationship and a willingness to see other view points.  I suspect many others are not as open to having their beliefs challenged.  What was alos interesting for me personally was how Chris began his journey.

My wife is happy for me to take the lead on preping and understands where I am coming from and doesn’t stand in my way, there are come common areas such as gardening where we have shared more fully the importance of doing things. 

 

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Great advice Becca!
Most of my friends are in denial and think things will turn out, (because thats the way it’s always been thier short 35 years of life.)  My coworkers are all in various stages of beleif and are surprisingly more receptive than my friends.  I’ll try out some of these different approaches on them.  Thanks!

-Tommy

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