Sparky -
Thanks for bringing up Gottman’s research.
Anyone who didn’t read our article Dealing With Disappointment back in December should do so now. It’s extremely germane to the direction this thread has taken and goes into the 4 Horsemen in depth.
Also, it’s companion premium report How To Manage Conflict & Build Relationships That Last is a very detailed summary of Gottman’s best practices for maintaining good relationships with those you care about. At the risk of sounding vain, I think it’s one of the most useful and valuable pieces I’ve ever published.
cheers,
A
Love it!
Dow rises 512.4 to 25,332.18. The Plunge Protection Team has clearly had enough, for now, and demonstrates it’s ability to move the markets! Silver & Gold up as well.
Yea, Tom’s wife hung around in resentful servitude. She got tired of his emotional detachment, and started dating on the side. She found that all those men were scum, but didn’t put that together with the fact that men who are willing to date a married women are scum! Since Tom was so niggardly, and “all men were scum,” she began turning tricks for spending change. One of them gave her AIDS, which she passed on to Tom. Foolishly thinking himself immune to “gay” disease, Tom did not get help soon enough, and died in his late 40s, leaving his trust to… his widow.
Tom and Bill have another brother!
Fred always knew the meaning of “just enough.” He could see the economy going south, and no future in bits of paper with dead presidents on them. He and his wife bought a small farm, and worked side-by-side, sharing their hopes and dreams, shedding tears together through livestock deaths and crop failures, becoming each others best friends. They fed their family using organic Permaculture techniques, eventually going mostly off-grid.
Then the crash happens. Tom’s dead already, Bill jumped out of his 42nd floor office window when his life savings evaporated overnight, and Fred’s family had to tighten their belts when they could no longer afford gasoline or electricity. But at least they ate well.
<blockquote>*instead of using precious gasoline to go on a “road trip” use it to haul manure for your gardens and building materials for that sustainable project.</blockquote>My spouse and I have hauled manure for five long, hard years, doing small-scale commercial organic farming and saving just a bit each year.
She has never been to the Grand Canyon, and I promised it to her — camping from a 20-year-old diesel Jetta that gets 50 mpg, and whose first tank will be biodiesel we make.
Then we’ll go back to hauling manure, with some beautiful memories to cherish.
<blockquote>I also liked the “divorce rate by profession”. Those Agricultural Engineers – who knows why they are so stable. Maybe its something about being around plants all day long.</blockquote>Maybe it has something to do with limited choices.
According to Dan Gilbert of MIT, “The reversible condition is not conducive to the synthesis of happiness.”
The very option of divorce itself is enough to keep people from happiness! Who would have thought?
But when a couple are wedded to each other and the land, they have limited choice. Perhaps that makes them look for happiness in what they have, rather than seeking it by pursuing that which they do not have.
Dan Gilbert has changed my life. I used to think choice was good; now, I look for ways to limit choice in my life — including in my relationships with people.
If, when you see a bridge, all you see is its dollar value, you only have that to lose if you burn it. But if you see it as a way to the other side, then it is priceless, and worth preserving.
I like Gottman’s notion of “bids.” When someone present you with an emotional opening, you turn toward it, be neutral, or turn away.
Before reading Gottman, I suspect I ignored most emotional bids — because I did not even notice them. But now, I listen for bids, and work to respond appropriately.
I feel this is a valuable tool for developing understanding between the sexes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XjUFYxSxDk
He Dissociated. That is very serious. He could be a Cluster B Personality Disorder.
According to the latest statistic, since 2000, California, Georgia, Hawaii, Louisiana, and Minnesota have stopped reporting divorce rates, but it’s still clear that the number of filing for divorce is declining all over the US. By 2010, the rate of divorces dropped to 3.6 for every 1,000 people, and in 2017 the rate reached 2.9 with only 787,251 divorces — the lowest it’s been since 1968.
Dating
Navigating a partnership when one party feels reluctant can be challenging. Communication is key; having an open, honest conversation to understand the reluctance can illuminate underlying concerns or fears. Expressing empathy and actively listening to their perspective is crucial. Sometimes, exploring a compromise or finding common ground can gradually alleviate reluctance. Patience and support go a long way in building trust. It might also be helpful to seek guidance from relationship counselors or forums that specialize in navigating relationship hurdles. Remember, working through such challenges often strengthens relationships in the long run.
Online Dating
I think you can start by recommending him a good dating site where he can start chatting with girls. Even my single father was able to find a couple on this site https://www.dating.com/ I am sure that all single people communication will help him to regain faith in himself and the desire to meet girls and women.