This is how I imagine the beginnings of Proto-President Trump:
An office, probably on Pine Street or somewhere around, some time in 1995:
[There’s a knock on the door]
Aspoleczny: What is it?
Cohn: Hey Boss, sorry for the disturbance, but you’ve gotta talk with this guy Kugelbrecher. I think he’s on to someone here.
Aspoleczny: Whaddaya carping on about?! Who is this guy and who’s he on to?!
Cohn: It’s to do with Trump, but let me fini…
Aspoleczny: Don’t come to me about that piffling little shit!! I got no time for shit from upstart pipsqueaks in All Cunts Building Supply and Maintenance!! They were fuckin’ wrong that he’s better alive. I would have had him smoked. Now get outta here or I’ll have your chicken-shit ass smoked for wasting my time!
Cohn: But boss, you said you were looking for a ‘water-off-a-duck’s-back’ guy whose ass we own…
Aspoleczny: [Calming down slightly] OK, OK, but spit it out pronto, ‘coz I ain’t got time to sit on my ass here.
Cohn: I think it’s better if I just bring Kugelbrecher in. That OK, Boss?
Aspoleczny: Then take ya thumb out of your ass and get on with it! Where the hell are you Koogalbreaker!!!
Kugelbrecher: [Comes in quickly and clears throat] Ah… yes, sir. About Trump. Well, it was to do with All Country and the Plaza, and we were, you know, applying the pressure to bust his balls a bit, as they say, ha-ha. And I was telling Roy how I couldn’t believe the audacity of this guy…
Aspoleczny: You’ve really got this guy’s ass, right?
Kugelbrecher: Yeah, he’s putty in our hands. He needs us so he don’t end up under a freakin’ bridge in short shrift, and we got nasty-ass… er, ha-ha, totally compromising… files on him…
Aspoleczny: So what’s the special shit about him that you wanna tell me?!
Kugelbrecher: Well, the heat, the thumbscrews were totally turned up full, and we knew he was talking bullshit, but he just remained smooth. He was daring to gaslight us; we knew he gaslighting us and he knew we knew he was gaslighting us, but he was freakin’ doing it anyway, and he was, like, steady through it all. Like, “Oh yeah, everything’s just wonderful, All Country’s doing just great and I’ve talked to this big guy and that big guy and it was a great talk and we got on really well, and they agreed that we can do a deal on the Plaza”, and stuff like this. I mean, he knew he was dead, but there was no sweat and all that water we were pouring on him was just beading off him like he was made of Teflon. He just kept up that smooth talking. I’ve never seen someone hold up like that.
Aspoleczny: How does he look, this guy? Is he a short-ass weasly little dicksplash, or what?
Kugelbrecher: He’s tall; I guess not too bad looking for a guy of his age. Got a kind of haughty, arrogant look (which I must say, you kind of want to slap), but he seemed to keep in line. He’s got thin strawberry-blondish whiffly hair, and got a kind of dicky quiff sticking out over his forehead.
Aspoleczny: Hm. Maybe that arrogance is good… Hair might be a trademark. Is it a slick quiff or super crappy?… Ah, whatever! We can make him over if he’s otherwise good… And what did you tell him?
Kugelbrecher: I told him that if he wants to save his ass, he better keep schtum. Any dealings with media, regulatory agencies, the police etc. he’d better hold them off and find out from us what he can say and who he can talk to. I thought we could hold off finishing him, coz when he reacted like this I remembered that Roy had said we’re looking for a guy like this. I don’t know if he’s the guy, but I ain’t seen anyone like him.
Aspoleczny: Is he smart?
Kugelbrecher: Well, um…
Aspoleczny: Ah, shit, let me find that out! Right Cohn, Koogal! You tell him to get down here like YESTERDAY! Tell him to get his ass down here this afternoon before 2. I’ve gotta see if he’s worth his ass. And Koogalbreaker, listen here: this Trump betta be good, or I’m gonna haul up your ass across white hot coals for wasting my time like you never fuckin’ known! OK?!!..